Effervescent Evelyn


Rebekah Gillespie

Evelyn Powell is a mystery to the world. Most know her for her slight obsession with Taylor Swift and Little Women (2019), her enjoyment of baking (but not eating said baked goods), playing soccer while not really liking it, fight nights, and overall being a menace to society. However, this just scratches the surface of the psyche of Evelyn Marie Powell. 

In the past year, Evelyn has come a bit of a celebrity, at least on the soccer team, with some describing her journey as a “rags to riches” story. To her team, she is a bit of a local celebrity with nicknames such as Evie, Evan, or Ellen.

I was lucky enough to be able to sit down and conduct an interview with Evelyn to get a full understanding of who she is, going with the classic first question:

Q: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?

A: Asparagus.

Q: Why asparagus?

A: I enjoy asparagus, it tastes good and I think based on its personality it would a hero because it’s one of the green vegetables and it genuinely tastes good, so it would be a hero.

Q: Can you prove that asparagus would be a hero?

A: I can’t, but broccoli would be, squash would not, and pumpkin would be neutral, like a civilian who could either have a hero or villain arc.

Q: What do you think a tomato would be or are you one of those people who thinks a tomato doesn’t count as a vegetable; therefore, would be irrelevant? 

A: See I almost brought it up, I definitely think it would be a villain, but may have a redemption arc. Although that may be my own personal opinion speaking because I don’t really like tomatoes, but sometimes they hit. It’s not like a pumpkin though, it definitely has a distinct side. Also, they’re red, which is objectively a supervillain color.

Q: Of every vegetable, is asparagus your favorite?

A: Yes, I think it is objectively the best vegetable.

Q: What would be your second choice of vegetable to be?

A: That’s a tough one, but I’m going to have to go with water chestnuts. I don’t really like them, but I think it’d be a really fun thing to be, particularly the ones in cans. Like imagine living your life in a can and then being cracked open to be put in someone’s salad. 


Evelyn is a unique individual, to say the least, but well-liked in the community, perhaps due to her heroic taste in vegetables. No one is quite like her, but that’s probably for the best because as previously mentioned, she is quite the menace, and it’s hard to say just how well anyone could handle that.