Cupcakes are the worst dessert


Adrian Gover

Cupcakes are the worst dessert. There is no argument that can be made to support their worth. If cupcakes were a bug they would be stink bugs, they serve no purpose other than to sow discord in the lives of humans who just want to enjoy a sweet treat. People who like cupcakes are inefficient to society and don’t have the courage to speak up about corruption. Anyone who supports cupcakes should be ostracized from society and should never be allowed to enjoy sweet desserts again. I requested a response from local bozo, Connor Kelly, and here is what he had to say. “I think that cupcakes are the world’s best dessert because of a plethora of extravagant reasons. These reasons being easiness to eat, taste, and creativity. The cupcake is ergonomically structured to hold it in your hand while on the go. The taste of cupcakes is astounding even if you screw up the batter, the frosting can make up for the lack of pizza. Cupcakes can be creatively eaten in a multitude of ways. This is by lobotomizing the bottom of the cupcake and attaching it to the frosting on top, which in turn, makes a cake sandwich that is unimaginable in terms of flavor and creativity. There are plenty of worse things to eat, like the grossest thing ever, brownies.” Connor could not be more wrong. Cupcakes are not easy to eat, you either have to change the look of them or get icing all over your face. Secondly, they are cake, so their taste is already suffering. Cupcakes just require more steps to eat, you have to take off a wrapper every time for heaven’s sake, it’s not a candy bar. If you have finished reading both of these, at this point, if you haven’t come to a decision on which is better, a safe option is always créme brûlée